Oath? Are You Kidding Me?

Verizon will meld AOL with Yahoo and rebrand the operation equally Oath, AOL master Tim Armstrong announced yesterday. This comes around Apr ane, so it could be the back cease of a dumb Apr Fool's Day joke. If it'south non, I would immediately claim that it is a joke, because it's a good way to backtrack on a terrible idea.

Opinions Like Tronc, Oath is not a pleasant word. Information technology sounds like a creepy, cultish system. In Oath, there'south definitely a hush-hush handshake and a weird chapeau. In fact, Armstrong's tweet encourages people to #TaketheOath.

Maybe the proper noun is an anagram. What could it be? Well, since it involves AOL and Yahoo, it could easily exist "Our Access To Hell." That's works for me.

Most modern high-tech naming conventions are designed around the idea of mental clan. This thinking began in earnest with the advent of the Pentium chip. It was not a existent word and was designed to elicit a hidden response. The next scrap from Intel in 1993 should have been the 80586, only the company decided to spend a fortune for some consultants to come with a new brand. Pentium was the winner.

Pentium had at least two elements of mental association. Showtime the "pent" was short for penta, which ways five—for the 586. Information technology besides unsaid pentagon and pentagram—creepy occult stuff. The "-ium" combined with the hard P of Pentium suggested platinum—a good affair. AMD followed with Athlon, incorporating athletic and longevity perhaps. Then came Intel'south retort of Celeron, which merely made me remember of celery and lawn clippings. These ideas at Intel faded, and now it sticks with simple associations like Atom and Core.

Oath likely started in a board meeting with the idea to telephone call the new combined visitor "Both." I imagine the meeting going something like this:

Board Member A: We've called a special meeting to discuss the renaming of the new Yahoo plus AOL corporate entity.

Board Member B: Why are we irresolute the names? They are established brands. Anybody knows them. They are familiar.

Board Member C: You are new here. This is what we do because we do non care nigh such old-fashioned thinking. Yous'll learn.

Board Member B: It just seems dumb.

Lath Member A: You lot can close upward. Practice we have any skillful ideas for a name?

Board Member D: Yes, "Both!" B-O-T-H – the word itself. It implies two combined companies. It's dynamite. Fabled idea.

Board Member A: I kind of similar it.

Board member Eastward [who is difficult of hearing]: What did you say? Adjuration?

Board fellow member A: That's it! Even better! Oath it is!! Meeting is adjourned.

This scenario makes as much sense and any rationale for calling any visitor Oath. Sheesh.

For more, bank check out PCMag Editor-in-Chief Dan Costa'southward interview with AOL founder Steve Case from SXSW in the video below.

About John C. Dvorak

John C. Dvorak

John C. Dvorak is a columnist for PCMag.com and the co-host of the twice weekly podcast, the No Agenda Show. His piece of work is licensed effectually the world. Previously a columnist for Forbes, PC/Calculating, Computer Shopper, MacUser, Barrons, the DEC Professional as well every bit other newspapers and magazines. One-time editor and consulting editor for InfoWorld, he also appeared in the New York Times, LA Times, Philadelphia Enquirer, SF Examiner, and the Vancouver Sunday. He was on the start-up team for C/Cyberspace also equally ZDTV. At ZDTV (and TechTV) he hosted Silicon Spin for four years doing chiliad live and live-to-tape Television receiver shows. His Cyberspace prove Cranky Geeks was considered a …